March 18th, 2012
- Good Old-Fashioned Fun
- The past week with my daughter was purely enjoyable. We spent time cuddling watching a movie, going for walks, going to the park, talking about what she is learning in school, reading books, dancing, and playing make-believe. On Saturday (our last day together), we went out to lunch and went to the Kid’s Expo at the Alliant Energy Center, and then over to Nana’s house for St. Patty’s Day Dinner. We had such a fun time together that neither one of us wanted to part. I didn’t really want to give her back to her father, and she did not want to go. When I went to drop her off Saturday night, she cried and would not let me put her down. She kept saying “I wanna go home with Mama. No Daddy.” It was so difficult to leave her, and I felt empty as I drove home and walked into my apartment.
Her or me? Maybe both. I mean, if she didn’t react so badly to me leaving, I wouldn’t feel so horrible about it, or like I was abandoning her. I do have my own spearation anxiety though, because I never know how well she is going to be cared for when she is not with me. I have a specific routine for her, and I worry that she is not getting what she needs when she is with her father. It isn’t that he is terrible with her, but that he doesn’t follow my routine, and it makes it hard on her.
The Not So Bad, but More So Sad
- Thinking of not being with my daughter every day was something that kept me from making the leap into being a single mother. I could not imagine a day without her in it. This is one of the hardest parts of being a single mother: having to temporarily give up your custody. Especially when you have just enjoyed a fabulous, fun-filled day together. It is hard to leave anyone whose company you are enjoying, but leaving your child when she doesn’t want you to adds to the pain of separation. I know that tomorrow when I spend the whole day doing homework that I will feel better, and writing this blog has helped too.
- What to Do?
- Since my intent in this blog is to share feelings but to also help others who are experiencing similar issues, I have thought of some things that I find helpful in reducing the sadness of separation. Doing ANYTHING for myself is probably the best antidote. Last week, I wrote about the importance of finding quality time for yourself, and that definitely applies here. Read a book, write, go for a walk, talk to a friend, clean…do whatever it is that you do not have the time to do when you are with your child.