Bring on the Crazy!

Now, since you are reading this blog I am going to assume that one (or all) of these things applies to you:

  1. You are a cat lover
  2. You are a crazy cat person
  3. You would like to be a crazy cat person
  4. You want to see what it’s like to be a crazy cat person

If any of the above apply to you, then look no further – this is the blog post for you! In this post I will go over some of the most important parts of being a crazy cat person.

 

IN THE BEGINNING

The first step to being a crazy cat person is to obviously get a cat. Or two, or three, or seven – just make sure that you only have as many cats as you can afford to take care of. An important part of being a crazy cat person is taking excellent care of your cats. Having more cats than you can care for just makes you an animal hoarder, and nobody likes those (especially the cats). Make sure that you can afford the following items: appropriate food for your cats, enough litter boxes for all of your cats (usually you want one box per cat plus an extra if possible), fresh litter as often as needed, visits to the dreaded V-E-T to keep them up-to-date on all shots and to check their health periodically.

Once you have established this much there are of course extras you can get such as toys, cat beds, cat trees, scratching posts, fancy brushes, fancy dishes, and any other superfluous items that Fluffy absolutely must have. And believe me, I am not here to judge. My cats are just as spoiled as the next crazy cat person’s. Check Cat Fancy’s Top Cat Products of 2014 list for a glimpse into all the goodies there are for the pampered feline.

Once you have established a safe and healthy environment for your cat(s), it’s time to start acting like a crazy cat person. There are many blogs and websites out there that will tell/show you how to do this. YouTube is full of cat videos and there are websites that are just for cat videos. Cats have definitely taken over the world (or at the very least, the Internet). There are unlimited resources to help you become a crazy cat person. I have gathered a few of them here for your viewing pleasure.

 

10 SIGNS YOU ARE A CRAZY CAT PERSON

According to the Animal Rescue Site these are the 10 signs that you are a crazy cat person (and proud of it!):

  1. It is an unwritten rule that if a cat is asleep on your lap, you don’t move. The bathroom can wait.
    Or food, or bed, or work, or anywhere else you have to be. One of my cats, Shadow, tries to keep me home from work & school quite often. This can go on for quite some time. The video below is a one minute segment of a three minute battle between me trying to leave for an exam and Shadow trying to keep me home. I won, but just barely.
    You can’t leave!

  2. The best part of any delivery? A new box for your cat to play in!
    If you have any other cat in the world, this one would be true. However, my husband and I apparently have the only three cats in the entire world that do not like boxes. Seriously. They don’t even give them a second look. I don’t get it . . .
  3. Your phone is full of cat pictures.
    Well of course it is! They’re my fur babies. I don’t understand why it’s not weird for people to have cell phones full of pictures of their children but having a phone full of cat pictures makes you crazy. Don’t judge me!
  4. You rely on the sound of purring, rather than a white noise generator, to fall asleep.
    My cat Dharma is the best white noise/purring machine ever. She sleeps on a blanket on top of a pillow right above my head and every night this is the sound I fall asleep to: 
  5. There is no such thing as “Private Time.” Bathroom, bedroom, kitchen – it doesn’t matter where you are. Eventually you will give up closing doors because you realize it is just a waste of time.
    This is so true. If I am the only one at home, I don’t even pretend to shut the bathroom door. Often times I have all three cats meandering in and out but at the very least Shadow and Dharma are in there with me.
  6. You have conversations with your cat.
    Again, you can have conversations with your children and no one thinks your weird but as soon as you start speaking to your cat they bust out the ridicule.
  7. Working from home with cats is a struggle.
    This I have not struggled with first hand but I know how hard it is to work on homework with cats so I imagine working from home would just be an extended version of that.
  8. Your Facebook, Instagram, Twitter (and other various social media outlets) are filled with photos of cats (yours or other crazy cat people’s).
    They also say you get bonus points if your profile picture is of your cat; I would have to agree with that sentiment.
  9. Black or white clothing is no longer an option because of the cat hair.
    I disagree. Wear your cat-hair covered clothes with pride! Show the world how proud you are to be a crazy cat person! Just make sure that the amount of hair on your clothing is less than enough to make a whole other cat out of. Keep it sanitary, people.
  10. Cat cuddles are magical and can cure anything.
    This is so true. There is nothing like a purring cat asleep on your lap to make the rest of the world seem insignificant.

 

10 THINGS CRAZY CAT PEOPLE DO

For a glimpse into the life of a crazy cat person I highly recommend this video on the Love Meow website: 10 Things Cat Owners Have Probably Done:

  1. Struggled to eat dinner
  2. Framed photos of their cat(s)
  3. Done laundry on another day
  4. Used the bathroom later
  5. Cancelled plans to snuggle with their cat(s) instead
  6. Stepped in a hair ball/vomit
  7. Purchased and wrapped presents for their cat(s)
  8. Had conversations with their cat(s)
  9. Smelled a warm kitty belly
  10. Looked stupid playing with their cat(s)

If there is anything on this list you have not done yet you must complete all 10 steps before being allowed in to the crazy cat person club. Once you have accomplished all of the above items you will become a proud card-carrying member of the crazy cat person club!

 

CRAZY CAT PERSON AFFIRMATION

If you are ready to proclaim your crazy cat person-ness to the world, you may recite the following affirmation, if you so desire:

I, (state your name), do solemnly swear that I will love and cherish my cat(s). I will feed them only the best foods and give them fresh, filtered water every day. I will clean their litter boxes and hairballs in a timely manner. I will take them to the V-E-T when they are sick, even though they will hate it. I will play with them and cuddle with them every day. If I am away from them I promise to assign an approved crazy cat sitter. I will call and check up on them every day and even Skype/Face Time with them if possible. When it is their time to go, I vow that I will bawl my eyes out and never forget them, even after I have gotten another cat. I know that no cat will ever truly replace one that I have lost but I vow to love any new cat(s) as much as the old. This I do solemnly swear in the name of (your cat’s name here).

 

CONGRATULATIONS!

You are now a crazy cat person! Make sure to keep checking back for new articles and as always, thanks for reading!

-The Human

My fur babies

My fur babies

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The Ups and Down of Being a Cat

I know what you’re thinking: “There’s are downsides to being a cat?” No. There is just one downside to being a cat. Visits to the V – E – T. The very thought of it makes me want to cower under the bed and not come out for three days. (Which is exactly what she did, by the way). Well and why shouldn’t I have? It was a very traumatic experience, human!

 

THE DREADED . . . YOU KNOW WHO (not Voldemort)

Those people over at the Cat Channel website are pretty darn smart. They even have this whole article on the Top 10 Reasons Cats Don’t Want to Visit the Vet’s Office.

  1. The whole Oz experience – well, I don’t know what or where this “Oz” is but I can tell you that anyplace that is not my home is not an acceptable place to be.
  2. Not a lot of hiding places in the exam room – you can say that again! Who designs a room with one table, maybe a chair, and nothing else?!? What are we poor felines supposed to hide under or behind? It’s very hard to cower in the middle of an open room.
  3. Feeling left out of the conversation – I’m too busy trying to sink through the exam room table to pay attention to anything else that’s going on, but I can see how the V – E – T and my human talking about me like I’m not there when I am, in fact, in the same room, could be annoying.
  4. Other pets in the clinic lobby – again, too busy trying to huddle into a small ball in the back of the cat carrier. (Not an easy feat for a cat who weighs 11 lbs 7 oz). Humaaaaaan! Go get your own post!
  5. Getting poked and prodded – this is indeed uncomfortable! I doubt the humans enjoy getting their shots anymore than we cats enjoy getting ours. And we usually have to get multiple shots at once. Not fair!
  6. Being treated like an alien by the other cats when returning home – well since Sipsy treats me like a pariah anyways and Dharma only occasionally likes to play with me that’s no different than any other day.
  7. Strange humans talking to you like you’re BFF’s – you don’t know me! Don’t pretend like we’re best friends forever. The only best friends forever that I have are my humans. And you are definitely not one of my humans.
  8. Cuts into nap time – I do enjoy sleeping during the day so this is a slight annoyance, but when compared to everything else this is very low down on the list of why I hate going to the V – E – T
  9. Getting into the carrier – this is the most indignant thing you can ever subject a cat to. Do you know what my human did? First, she locked me in the bathroom, alone and scared while she ate breakfast. I was very vocal with my distress but to no avail; my human had a heart of stone. Then she finally comes in with me, so I of course cower between the toilet and the wall (the only cower-able place). She picked me up and held me in her lap, petting me a bit. I started to calm down a little bit and then she pulled out . . . the cat carrier!!!! (dun dun duuuuuuun!) Then to add insult to injury she tips the cat carrier up on end and basically drops me in it, tail first. (Hi-jacking again: I did not drop her into it, I slid her into it but let me tell you, tail first is the way to go . . .) 

    Shadow

    The only safe place to hide and it still didn’t save me from the carrier

  10. The car ride – this is almost as traumatic as the visit itself. Not only am I in a terribly uncomfortable carrier, not only am I not in my lovely, familiar house – but I am also in a moving vehicle. Talk about disconcerting! Can you blame me for hiding under the bed for two days??

 

RECOVERED

After a few days of shunning my human I have decided to forgive her. I know that she is doing this for my physical health (even if it doesn’t help my mental health . . .) because she loves me very much. And she was nice enough to switch from my original V – E – T who was thirty minutes away from our new (current) home. Now my new V – E – T is a mere five minute drive away. Although it definitely feels like an eternity to me. But in the end my human is still my best friend and all is forgiven. Still, maybe I shall let her make it up to me even more by buying me a nice new cat tree. This one looks nice:

Blaze Cat Tree

Blaze Cat Tree
Photo courtesy of Cat Channel

It’s nothing less than I deserve for my incredibly horrific experience. I think I shall mope about some more in the hopes that this cat tree will be under the Christmas tree . . . Stay tuned to see if it turns up or not!

-Shadow

Shadow

It’s me!

 

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Can You Hear Meow?

Sipsy here for another exciting look into what it’s like to be a cat. Since the short and obvious answer of “Awesome” will not fill many blog posts, I suppose we can go a bit more in depth. Since Dharma wrote last about her favorite thing (food), I shall devote this page to one of my favorite things: meowing.

VOCALIZE

According to Cat Fancy there are 6 Reasons Why Cats Cry and they are:

  1. Your cat needs/wants food
  2. Your cat needs/wants attention
  3. Your cat is annoyed
  4. Your cat is scared
  5. Your cat is sick
  6. Or your cat is just plain chatty

Some humans are very bad at interpreting cat speak and others are fairly fluent. My human and his mate seem to be fairly competent at understanding me however they have started to try to ignore me. I don’t make it easy on them. I can be very loud when I want to be, and I usually always want to be loud.

 

TRANSLATIONS

One human claims to have inside information on what she calls “Fanglish” or cat slang. While I doubt the reliability of her “source” some of her interpretations are rather witty. A few of my favorites from Fanglish Part I are:

  • Pony Express – cats with elastic ponytail holders in their mouths. Dharma especially enjoys these. I can’t be bothered.
  • Regift – when a cat eats too fast and then throws up shortly after. I admit that I am guilty of this from time to time. However, can you blame me for inhaling my food after it has been re-filled? The rate these humans move I might very well starve to death! (Human’s Note: being able to see a tiny portion of the bottom of the dish does not mean the food dish is empty, Sipsy).

A few of my favorites from Fanglish Part II are:

  • Pariah Carry – a cat who is shunned by all other cats after a returning from a visit to the V-E-T. This would be Shadow, most recently. Not that I need an excuse to shun that uppity kitten.
  • Strong Under-Toe – feet moving under a blanket. The humans try this trick with me every once in a while. If they get too close I just roll over and bite but otherwise I ignore them. Silly humans.

 

CATERWAULING

I am the most vocal when the humans are up and getting ready in the mornings mainly because I need to make sure they don’t forget to re-fill the food dishes and give me fresh water. I also like to sit in the middle of the kitchen floor and meow loudly and repeatedly until they put down the cat grass they bought for me. Apparently they got sick of me eating random things from around the house and then throwing them up. So now I gnaw on some cat grass and throw that up instead (Ok, I don’t throw it up all the time, just if I’ve had too much. But it’s so delicious I just can’t stop myself!)

Once the cat grass has been put back up on its little window shelf I once again commence meowing. In my desperation I have even jumped from the kitchen table to the kitchen counter and I will sit as close to the cat grass spot as I can and meow from there. This strategy has never yet resulted in a second treat of cat grass but I will not give up!

 

FEED ME

The other time I talk to my humans is when they arrive home from work. First I chastise them for abandoning me and then I make sure they check the food dishes. I’m not quite as blatant about it as Audrey II in Little Shop of Horrors but I get my point across. I mean, I don’t walk around yelling “FEED ME” but then again I don’t need to. I have my humans trained very well.

Audrey II

Audrey II from the 1986 movie version
Photo courtesy of IMDB.com

My humans are so lucky to have me instead of Audrey II. Not only am I quieter – that’s debatable – but I am much prettier. And I don’t go around eating people. (This is true).

Excuse me, human, wait for your own post. Sorry. Make yourself useful; make sure my food dish is full or something. Or if you insist on not moving, I have an itch right under my chin. Yup, that’s the spot *ppppppuuuuuuurrrrrr*

Well my fine readers I have a chin scratch to attend to so I shall leave you until next time.

 

-Queen Sipsy

Sipsy

Her Royal Highness, Queen Sipsy

 

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Dharma’s Delights

Well since Sipsy is too busy eating the cat grass that the humans bought for her and Shadow is still cowering under the bed and trying to recover from her recent trip to the . . . well, I’m sure you know where, I don’t need to spell it out for you (seriously, it’s a bad word, don’t make me say it . . . alright fine) her recent trip to the . . . vet . . . *shudder* . . . it looks like it’s on me to write another blog entry.

I decided that I would write about one of my two favorite things: Food. My other favorite thing is naps but that doesn’t make for a very interesting read now, does it?

 

Dharma

My second favorite thing: naps

 

TREATS

So according to Modern Cat, kittens are more likely to try new foods than adult cats are. They have obviously never met me. I am all about new foods. I don’t care if it’s good for cats or not. Chips and French Onion Dip? I am all over the lid of the dip. Spaghetti? I’ll give it a try. Garlic Bread? Ok, maybe not, but I still need to investigate it before I decide that I will not eat it. But Modern Cat also listed “6 Novel Treats to Tempt Your Cat.” I hope my human reads this.

  1. Dried Cranberries or Cranberry Powder – I’m ok if my human skips this one. Modern Cat says to share sparingly, I say not at all.
  2. Lean Deli Meats – this one I am all for! I love chicken and turkey and beef and ham and, well, any meat. Apparently there’s something with sodium and fat needing to be low but that’s my human’s problem, not mine.
  3. Chicken ‘n’ Rice – Modern Cat recommends this for sick cats. I recommend it for ALL cats! Since my human’s mate loves chicken and rice, I think he should have to share it with me every time he makes it.
  4. Carrots – unless these are chopped up very small and mixed in with some meat, I want nothing to do with these . . . vegetables . . .
  5. Canned Tuna or Salmon Water – this apparently has no nutritional value but I’m ok with that. Apparently it’s also good to freeze this into ice cubes in the summer. Cool treats for cool cats.
  6. Broccoli – seriously, what is with these vegetables? More meat! Start out with small doses of broccoli? More like start out with no doses of broccoli! But apparently it’s healthy or something. (Note: According to Love Meow this food is only ok in small doses and not too frequently)

 

YUM

Heaven.
Photo courtesy of Rives Quality Meats

ANTI-TREATS

The humans at Modern Cat being the intelligent, cat-loving humans that they are, also posted a helpful list of things that you should not feed your cat. So before you go too treat-crazy make sure to avoid these 9 Foods:

  1. Chocolate – any idiot human with any kind of pet (yes, even a lowly dog) should know this food no-no for their animals
  2. Onions – why would any self-respecting cat want to eat one of these smelly things anyways?
  3. Uncooked potatoes and tomatoes – again, why would you want to eat these anyways? Heck, the one doesn’t even know if it’s a fruit or a vegetable!
  4. Milk & Milk Products – wait, what?!? Don’t read this one human, ignore this . . . gastrointestinal pain my — um, tail
  5. Yeast Dough – well that just goes without saying, it doesn’t even sound appetizing!
  6. Grapes & Raisins – again with the fruit! Of course you shouldn’t feed these to your cats, they’re not meat products!
  7. Caffeine & Alcohol – I’ve smelled the coffee my human’s mate makes in the morning and I have seen what alcohol does to some people so I am ok missing out on both of these.
  8. Garlic & Chives – again with the smelly food! I wouldn’t want to eat it even if I could; it would probably leave everything else tasting and smelling like garlic or chives for the next nine lives!
  9. Xylitol – I know, what is that even? Apparently it’s the sweetener found in gum and candy. As if we cats would even want to eat either of those things. Yuck!

 

SUPPER TIME

So now that I have told you some treats and some things you can’t feed your felines, here are some delectable dinner ideas:

There is, of course, the age old question of: “dry food or wet food?” (And you thought it was “To be, or not to be?“). I say, why not both? My human leaves dry food out for us all the time – making sure that our two bowls are full and far enough apart that Shadow and I can eat without disturbing the angry one. On top of the dry food that is available all the time, we also get fed wet food in the mornings. The humans usually take a large can of cat food and split half of it up between us three cats. I think they should split the whole can but apparently it’s expensive. I think these humans need to get better paying jobs so they can support me in the lifestyle I would like to grow accustomed to.

We are currently trying to find a new dry food that works for all of us. I have a food allergy, we think probably grain/gluten or possibly corn. The orange one has a chicken allergy and Shadow is just a little chubby. So finding a dry food that we can all eat is challenging, Apparently we are trying this new food called “Taste of the Wild” that is venison and salmon as well as being grain free. I shall pen my review of this in a few weeks once I see how well I like it (or don’t).

The new wet food we will be trying is “Natural Balance” in the Ocean Fish flavor. While this does not contain chicken it does contain some grain but hopefully the fish will sufficiently cover up the grain. And I’m sure my human will be stingy with her portions, especially until she sees if I react to this food or not. Silly humans, just give me the meat!

For one look at the argument of wet vs. dry food check out this Love Meow article, or check with your local . . . V-E-T – just leave your cats at home when you do. Your cats will thank you.

 

HYDRATION

With all this talk about food, don’t forget to make sure your furry friends have access to fresh water. There is nothing more we cats love than water fresh out of the faucet. Some cats will go so far as to drink right from the faucet but that’s too close to moving water if you ask me. It might splash up on me and get my lovely fur wet. Fountains are another nice option for running water but I prefer a nice, still bowl of water. I also enjoy licking up the water from the shower floor, but the humans always close the shower doors, muttering something about how the water probably has soap in it or some such nonsense. If they’d just clean themselves like cats do they wouldn’t have this problem. Oh well, I guess you can’t fault them for what their evolution created them to be. If they were lucky they would have been more like cats. Although the opposable thumbs are handy . . .

 

DESSERT

Well, all this talk about food has made me quite peckish. I think I shall meander away to the kitchen in the hopes that someone dropped some food by the refrigerator and, if not, I suppose there’s always the dry food. Check back next week, if you’re not napping, to see who decides to write another purr-fect post.

-Dharma

Dharma

Back to my nap

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I Am the Night!

Looks like my human went to sleep and left her laptop open. Hmmmmm. I guess I can give this whole blog writing thing a try, now that there’s no one here to look over my furry shoulder. Allow me to introduce myself. I am the shadow that stalks in the night. I am the ninja that hides on high. I am . . . SHADOW!!!!!!!!

 

MY HUMAN

My human is my very best friend in the whole world. It’s not just because she rescued me from the humane society. It’s not just because she feeds me. It’s not just because she plays with me with a laser pointer (my favorite!). It’s not even because she lets me sit on her lap and pet me. It’s because she loves me and cares for me all the time. And, ok, because she feeds me and pets me and plays with me and the laser pointer.

I have been with my human ever since I was a little kitten. My human’s sister adopted my sister. Man, we were adorable. Still are.

Kittens

Weren’t we just adorable?

LOVING A HUMAN

Some felines are naturally good at loving their humans while others need a few lessons in how to treat your human well. For those cats who may need a bit of extra help, I recommend this video from The Animal Rescue Site‘s video:

A Cat’s Guide to Loving a Human

I am very nearly an expert in many of these. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if they modeled this video off of me in the first place. Here are their steps compared to me. You’ll see what I mean:

  1. Make sure they wake up in time for work/feed you. Ok, I am not the best at making sure my human wakes up in the mornings, in fact the opposite is probably true. But mornings are such perfect times for cuddling that I can’t help but snuggle up next to her in the mornings.

    Shadow

    Morning routine – checking Facebook

  2. Serenade them until they feed you. I do follow this second piece of advice very well. I am very talkative, especially if I think there might be the slightest chance of food. Let me sing you the song of my hungry people
  3. Protect them from bugs. I am also a world class bug-hunter. I protect my human from bugs big and small. One time, I even killed a centipede. That earned me extra treats and pets. If I can’t reach a bug I make sure to fixate on it and make strange noises until the humans come get it (Human’s note: she kind of sounds like a dolphin chittering). Hey! Go back to sleep human!
  4. Make sure they’re always presentable. As far as appearances go, I’m not sure there’s a lot I can do. My human doesn’t seem to appreciate my attempts to clean her so I let her clean herself and I just make sure her clothing contains the perfect amount of cat hair.
  5. Create original artwork fur them. I use myself as a form of artwork. My human seems to appreciate this as she takes lots of pictures of me.

    Shadow

    Abstract art – cat style

  6. Add fun to daily chores. My speciality is adding fun to homework. I like to be right there when my human is working on icky homework. I like to jump up on her lap but most times she winces and moves me to the chair next to her.

    Shadow

    Helping with homework

  7. Keep them company at all times. This includes the basement for laundry, the bedroom for sleeping, the dining room for eating (and homework), the kitchen for cooking, the bathroom for . . . anything except showering. Water is gross. (P.S. I have a picture of me keeping my human company in the bathroom but she won’t let me post it here. It’s not like you can see anything. Silly humans)
  8. Mark your territory. With my luscious black fur I make sure to shed all over everything to mark it as my own. Not just clothes but the couch, blankets, pillows, robes, everything! That way if I miss a piece of clothing it will pick up some of my fur from somewhere
  9. Greet them when they come home. This one I vary on. I can’t have my human expecting me to greet her all the time. So some days I greet her and other days I make her come find me.
  10. Relax & enjoy their company. Give human head bumps, kisses, soothing purrs, and don’t forget the drool. I am an expert head but-er and purr-er. I try to stay away from the drool but sometimes (especially if I’m asleep) the drool happens. But my human hasn’t kicked me off the bed yet.

Well. For a first blog post I’d say this is a success. Maybe I will try this again sometime. But only when no one is around. I must keep my air of mystery. Speaking of mystery, check back soon to see who will be posting next time!

-Shadow

Shadow

Ninja cat (in non-ninja mode)

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